Marathon #2 -- Wait, WHAT?

So, after spending what really amounts to YEARS preparing myself, physically and mentally, to run the New York City Marathon, I find myself a few days away from running my second marathon…. Just over three months after my first, this one in Austin, Texas. I feel, in equal measures, totally prepared and utterly panicked. I think it’s the fact that I feel prepared that that is causing me to panic.

For all the time I spent worrying about, focusing on and obsessing over my prep for NYC, physically I KNOW I’ve done the work this time. I may or may not beat my time from NYC. I’m pretty sure I’ll come in close to it. Ultimately, I’m okay with whatever happens. This is really more about maintaining the fitness I built up in the fall, preparing to launch into a full-on BQ assault in the spring, and most importantly of all having a goddam good time.

I’ll be traveling to a place I’ve never been, meeting people I’ve never met and having an amazing experience. I really couldn’t be more excited for this.

There is a level of anxiety, being that I will be 1,800 miles from home, have only done this once before and don’t really know the topography of the land I’ll be running in at all (but my quads have been warned to prepare for some hills). The field of runners for this event is about a tenth the size of New York, so I’m sure the crowds along the streets won’t be as raucous. I’m a little anxious about that, as well, because I really think the crowds helped me a lot in NYC. I do know I’ll have friends along the course, old friends who used to live in New York but moved back to Texas. I’m so excited to be seeing them.

No matter what, I’m sure I’ m going to have fun and really that’s what this is about. At the end of the day, if I can say I had fun then I totally won the race.



Oh yeah, and...

My Song du Jour

A Pain in the Ice

This winter has been a rough one, no doubt. But, it's been lovely!

Does Running = Optimism?

I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. As it says in my profile, I tend to laugh loudly and inappropriately. An actor I once toured with commented, at the end of our tour, “Sharon, do you know what was the first thing I noticed about you? You laugh at EVERYTHING.”

“Well,” I replied, “It’s better than the alternative, isn’t it?”

I don’t know if I consider myself to be an optimist. I don’t think the glass is half full, or half empty. I just think it’s twice as big as it needs to be. But I do think that there is a certain amount of optimism that is unavoidable when you are a runner. Why else would we get out of bed at 5:30 on a freezing Saturday morning to run a half marathon (like so many of my friends & I did two weekends ago)?

This thinking about optimism, and running as optimism, started because of a very wise bag of tea I steeped a few days ago (pictured above). Some wheels in my brain started turning, pondering this idea. As runners, as individuals, as people are we running after satisfaction? In some ways, we have to.

Getting up and facing each day isn’t always easy, but doing so with purpose means it is not a choice, but a goal.

Running isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it’s awful. Sometimes, it’s painful. But seeing every mile as a bridge to the next achievement makes it all worth it.

The satisfaction that comes from within can come from knowing that this time, on this occasion, you caught up with what it was you were running after.

I love challenges. Knowing that I’m waking up tomorrow morning and setting out for a 21 mile run excites me because I hope that when I am finished with that last mile, I’ll be able to say that I pushed myself hard and got where I wanted to be. When I’m tired, when I want to stop, I won’t. I’ll see it through to the last step. Has my training for marathons trained me to be an optimist? Or am I just stubborn?

I know one thing’s for sure…

If life seems jolly rotten

There's something you've forgotten

And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.

When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps

Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

My Song du Jour

My heart beats in syncopated rhythms. Music makes me move. It moves me. Right now, this is the song that makes me move the most.



What songs get you going?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

Turn and face the strange

I’ve been thinking a lot about changes lately. How we change as we grow, grow as we change, all of that. How the decisions we make, even though we think they might be small, can prove to have profound effects in so many aspects of our lives – right down to the core of who we are.

There have been many interesting discussions with friends and loved ones over whether people ever really change. I’m still not sure. I don’t know if I’ve changed. But I know I’ve made changes.

The decision to lace up some running shoes and head out the door for the first time was life changing. It altered the way I dealt with stress and hard times, the tone and shape of my body, my self-image and my perceptions. Before I became a runner, separating my impulses from my emotions was tricky. Controlling either of those things was problematic on my best days.
My default was set to erratic.

I feel now, almost four years after I first logged a run, more balanced, more relaxed and just more together. I’m more equipped to handle things that come my way. Certainly, a lot of that is gained just through experiences and getting older. But having an outlet… having a means to cope with things that not long ago would have been too much to cope with, is absolutely crucial to that.

Are we, as we grow up, capable of changing who we once were? If we work hard and actively fight against some of our worst instincts can we set ourselves to a new default? Have new instincts?

In many respects, I feel that the core of my being is unchanged, but through the choices I’ve made many of those aspects of myself are unrecognizable to me today.

I’ve worked hard to make good choices and positive changes in my life. Seeing the results of those choices has been a source of a lot of pride for me. The physical changes manifest themselves in my running and my general health. Looking back at the numbers recently, I realized after running that Manhattan Half Marathon this past weekend, I ran it 41 minutes faster than I had the first time I did it three years ago. I hope to improve my time even more.

In other areas, well, I just feel like I’m a better person than I was a few years ago. It’s impossible to say how much of that is due to what factors, but I’m certain that so much of the good things that have come into my life would not be there if I couldn’t look in the mirror and call myself a runner.

♫ Time may change me
But I can't trace time. ♫

Something Suddenly Came Up

Excuses Not to Run:

1) It's snaining out (this was my excuse tonight, and now I'm regretting it)
2) I'm waiting for a Fresh Direct delivery (right, Matt?)
3) I'm washing my hair.
4) Time to go for a ru-SQUIRREL!
5) I can't feel my legs.
6) I've got gravy leg (hat tip, Joe)
7) I just can't shake this hangover.
8) Glee is on.
9) I have nipple chafe.
10) I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU!

Flaws, Imperfections and Weaknesses

I don’t like it when my apple cart is upset. I don’t like when things don’t go according to my plans. I really struggle with my reactions sometimes. Lately, this has been manifesting itself a lot in my running. Last week, I had a great hill workout. I felt quick and light, like I was conquering those hills. It seemed almost effortless. And then every other run I had that week felt heavy and laborious. I felt, as I broadcast over twitter, like a doughy, leaden mollusk. I even cut a run short because things were just hurting. Rather than just take this at face value and accept that I needed to take it a bit easier, I went into a funk. This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t how I wanted things to go. I became sullen, moody and angry with myself. My standards for myself are high and I was failing to live up to them.

I’m the kind of person that wears my heart on my face. I don’t hide my emotions well. I don’t really try to. But when I fear that I am appearing vulnerable or angry, I’ll withdraw. It’s not that I’m ashamed. It’s just that I don’t think anyone needs to see that side of me. I’d just rather they see me smiling.

Recognizing weakness though, I think, is actually a strength. Bit of a pardox, no? But really, if I were satisfied with who I was every day why strive to keep improving?

All I can do –all any of us can do, really—is give the best I can each day. And realize that that is a strength, not a failure. If my best tomorrow doesn’t live up to my best today, well so be it.

For all the flaws, imperfections and weaknesses, I think it’s important to recognize, from time to time, that I have a lot of strengths as well. For one, I DO keep trying to give my best. As a wife, friend, teacher, student, runner, blah blah blah. I do hold myself to very high standards. I am honest, sometimes to a fault, and I value that highly. I can find ways to laugh at everything… EVERYTHING. I am determined. I am devoted to the people in my life and would walk through fire for them.

A shitty run is a shitty run. I shouldn’t let it get the best of me. Bad days happen. Things are beyond my control. If, in the face of them, I am able to say that what I gave was the best I could give then alright. Bring on tomorrow.

So That Happened!

Oh hai New Yearzzzz!!!

Yeah. 2010. So, that happened!

Those minutes, they just keep ticking by, don’t they? I am amazed sometimes at just how quickly time seems to move. Every day that passes is a smaller and smaller fraction of my life than the day before. Plus, it seems that the older I get the more ambitious and determined I become. There is so much to see, so many roads to run, so many books to read, so many experiences to have.

My to-do list seems to get longer every day. That being said, I’ve set some pretty ambitious goals for myself for the year.

1) Starting with the Austin Marathon in February. I don’t expect or particularly wish to best my time from the NYC Marathon, but I’d like to be able to run this one at a more consistent pace. I’d like for my wheels to not utterly fall off in the last 10k of the race. Which leads me to

2) Fitter and faster. A vague goal, sure. But I need to build strength and speed. I need to be as disciplined about my strength, stretching and cross-training as I am about my running. This all needs to happen if I want to

3) BQ at the NJ Marathon in May. This is ambitious. It means taking 10 minutes off my marathon time in six months. It may not happen. Especially if the BAA changes their qualifying standards, as they have all but promised to do. It may not happen, but I’m going to try my hardest to make it happen. In three years, I took 45 minutes off of my half-marathon time. 10 minutes in six months? We’ll see. I am nothing if not determined.

4) Run across the state of Massachusetts with a delightful bunch of lunatics. A 191 mile relay race. I can’t wait for that. Seriously. It’s going to be a blast.

5) Run the NYC Marathon again. Better than before. Stronger than before. With a smile on my face the whole time.

6) Run a sub-1:45 half.

Despite my general sort of grumble-grumbliness regarding New Years and resolutions and whatnot, I kicked off 2011 by running 20.11 miles. It was a beautiful day. It was exactly what I needed.

I did not close the chapter on 2010. I did not wake up on Saturday determined to change things about myself or determined to keep promises, which I will not uphold. Rather, I woke up just like any other day hoping to keep improving in the things I’ve been working on. To keep doing the best I can.

Oh, and also I kind of want to run an ultramarathon.

If Nothing Else…

As the year comes to it’s chilly conclusion, I find myself in the throes of introspection. Fairly typical, I’m sure. But I’ve never been one to engage in New Years shenanigans. I’m not really one for resolutions. I despise the pressure of finding somewhere fabulous to be, with fabulous people, a fabulous outfit and fabulous cocktails. I’d much rather sit at home in my pajamas, watch the Twilight Zone marathon and sip some single malt scotch, curled up with my husband and maybe a few close friends. To me, that is pretty friggin fabulous. This year, though, the navel-gazing is pretty prominent.

This year will forever be the year I view through a lens of loss. I accomplished a lot this year. I started the new career I’ve been working towards for years. I’m closer to finishing grad school. I ran my first marathon and did pretty well at it. I made lots of amazing new friends. With all that to look back on, I can’t help but feel a little bit sad and angry that I’m looking at it and saying to myself, “Look at all I did, in spite of…”

My perception is my own, and it’s up to me to change it, if I wish. But for now, it is what it is. And as my calendar begins to come into focus for 2011, there is so much more I want to accomplish. Maybe the way I’ve been looking at things isn’t the best. Maybe, for 2011 I will be able to say of myself not that I did things in spite of loss or sadness or anything – maybe I will be able to say I accomplished things because I could. Because I was determined enough. Because I was capable. I overcame obstacles. Because they were there.

Awhile back, I read that when mountaineer George Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Everest, he replied, “Because it’s there.”

When I was planning a post-marathon tattoo, I had that quote in mind. I wrote to my friend, Scarlet, and she made a design for me. “26.2 Because it was there.” We face challenges because we have to. We overcome them. We move on. We grow.

At the end of it all, I would like to look back on this year and say, if nothing else, I learned that I am stronger than I thought.

I like pie.

Ya know, it ain't all about running. Ya need FUEL for that running! My fuel of preference, especially around this time of year is PIE. I love pie. Pie pie pie. In mah belly. I love pie.

Awhile back, my bestie Lauren & I developed a bit of a pie obsession. When we had exhausted ourselves, searching various diners in various boroughs of New York City for the best slice of pie we could find, we decided to create our own. And so was born Lauren & Sharon's Apple-Cranberry-Blueberry Pie.

Ingredients:
1 cup + 1 tbs sugar
1/2 cup cranberry juice
1 cup blueberries
1 cup cranberries
3 large apples (peeled, cored & sliced into thin chunks)
2 tbs all purpose flour
1 tsp lemon juice
2 pie crusts (store bought is okay)
2 tbs butter
1 tsp milk
1/2 tsp + pinch ground cinnamon

1. Stir 1/2 cup of sugar and cranberry juice in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add berries and simmer. Reduce heat; simmer until liquid is absorbed, stirring often about 25-30 minutes.

2. In the meantime, toss apples, flour, lemon juice, 1/2 tsp cinnamon & 1/2 cup sugar in a bowl and mix ingredients together.

3. Preheat oven to 400°F. Put pie crust in bottom of a 9'' glass pie dish. Spread cranberry/blueberry mixture over crust bottom. Top with the apple mixture, and dot with butter. Put 2nd pie disk on top. Trim overhang to 1''. Press and crimp edges to seal. Cut 1'' hole in center. Brush crust with milk. Mix remaining 1 tbs sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl & sprinkle over crust.

4. Bake 15 minutes; reduce temperature to 375°F and bake until crust is golden, about 20-30 more minutes.

5. Let cool completely on a wire rack. Eat the shit outta that pie.

Thanks...

... for the time I had with those who've gone and every second I have with those that are still here.
... for the people that inspire me every day.
... for the ability to put one foot in front of the other, as fast as I can or as slow as I want. I will never take this for granted.
... for the people who believe in me.
... for the people who doubt me.